Biden watches White House press briefing in hopes of finding out what his policy stances are
WASHINGTON, DC — According to White House sources, President Biden listened in on the final White House press conference this afternoon to try to find out what his policy stances are.
“Ahhh so that’s what I believe! I couldn’t remember!” Biden said on the flat screen hanging on the wall as the press secretary laid out Biden’s views on gun control. “Shit, man, this Karine Jean-Pierre is beautiful! Too bad she’s one of them ‘LGBT’ or she could take me! Biden then winked and nudged a potted plant he mistook for one of his aides.
Biden is encouraged by his aides to watch White House press briefings every day between his nap and his tea party. They hope this practice will be effective in reminding him what his positions are and how to articulate them, as well as his name.
As of press time, Biden has agreed to watch more briefings as long as that “posh lady Jean-Pierre” shows up every time.
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